Now that I am older and somewhat wiser than I was in my earlier years, I look back on things and truly appreciate them more. While I look around and all of my friends talk about their new designer this and their new designer that, I wonder who really cares about that? Should we care about who has given it to us or what was given? I do admit I have splurged on some designer things but I have tried to cut the habit. Should I care about something given to me by someone special or getting something special?
I slow to a jog as my feet hit the hard street with making wonderful noise mixed with the falling rain. I raise my head and squint into the gray clouds and the cool rain. The stray rain drops from my hair fall onto my neck. A huge smile crosses my face as my friends catch up and we start the unofficial race again. The rush runs through my veins and the pounding is in sync with the beat of my heart. My sneakers let out squeaks which match with the rain perfectly, like Mother Nature herself was conducting the music to one of my favorite moments.
I look to the left then to the right and I see all of my best friends beside me. They all look very familiar to me but in a soaking wet form. The one on the left's hair whose was pin straight this morning is now busted out in curls. The one on the left whose hair was in a messy bun is now down by her chest and pin straight. The laughter pours from all of our mouths and mixes in with our nature song. As I sprint through the rain and stop for another head lifting drink, I realize how special this is to me and how free it makes me feel.
The rain slows and the water slides down the concrete and into the drain with a flush. The whispering drops of rain falling from our hair seem to fill me ears like the beat of a drum. Without hesitating I start one last sprint before the rain completely stops. I look around while the rain is slowing and make note in my head because I begin to think of this as one of my fond memories. I soak up the last moments to make it complete, just as the sun light glistens upon each raindrop uniquely. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the slight start of a rainbow. The perfect ending to my rain day memoir.
The gold shines as I twirl the gold square link chain through my hands. The purple amethyst is glistening from the light of the lamp in my room. I admire the carefully carved shape of a heart made of my grandfather's wedding ring. The amethyst hangs at the upper point of the heart where the two halves meet. The rush I feel is almost indescribable as I can feel the love and care that the necklace was made for me because of my grandmother's death. I had never gotten to meet my grandmother but I know that this necklace was made so that I would remember who she was.
I think about my grandfather and how he sacrificed his own wedding ring that was given to him by his wife to give it to me. I only get to see or wear this ring once in a long while because of how valuable it is. The gold and amethyst to me are worth millions but in real life it still has a considerable amount of value. The wedding ring was so carefully carved and has Din Ase gently scripted into the inside of the golden ring. Din Ase is Norwegian, the native language which my grandmother spoke, but in English it means Yours Ase. This was my grandfather's word of honor to my grandmother. In the long run I think that I would want to do this for my grandchildren so that I they could have some source of money or if they wanted to keep it as a memory.
I think that my two items are very different but also very similar. The way that both things make me feel are priceless and they both make me feel the same way. They each have their unique quality of "talking "to me. The necklace says money and memory while the rain sings me a gentle song. I don't think that I would ever trade the necklace or running in the rain for anything because they make me feel so great. Even if the necklace might be a nice accessory I think that running in the rain is a great action and shows who I really am. In the end I equally love running in the rain and the necklace and I think that moments and items should be worshiped together.
7 comments:
Mia seems to be saying that a priceless moment is just as important as something with cost. Mia most strongly values her grandmothers piece of jewelry and going for runs.
I feel going for a run was most vividly described."The rush runs through my veins and the pounding is in sync with the beat of my heart. My sneakers let out squeaks which match with the rain perfectly, like Mother Nature herself was conducting the music to one of my favorite moments."
This was a quote i really liked from mias story because i got a perfect image in my head of what this would be like.
The strength of this essay was the writing style. Mia put in a lot of detailed words so i could see vivid images in my head. You made a lot of points very clear.
I would maybe try to add a few more details to your conclusion. Other then that your essay was really well written !
Mia really shows that physical objects can be the same or less value than a priceless moment, idea, or opinion. Both her values actually have something to do with feelings. Her runs helps her maintain her shape and make her feel good about herself and the jewlery has centemental value to her.
I feel that she shows that she loves her ring more than running because it has a large amount of centimental value attached to it. Although her running is great, she explains that her grandfather was so nice to giver her the ring. To mia, I feel like that is worth more to her than running with her friends.
Mia really has a strength in showing the reader how she feels about a specific object or moment. She really is good at showing the feelings about her ring in that she says, " I think about my grandfather and how he sacrificed his own wedding ring that was given to him by his wife to give it to me." That quote shows that she not only cares about the ring, but she cares about her grandfather as well.
This was a fine essay, it was really great. The only thing I would change would be the title. The title is very plain and non informative. I personally loved the story as a whole though.
Mia says that she values these two things very much. Personally I think that mia values the jewerly that her grandfather had made for her because she knows how important it was to her grandmother and grandfather. Also because it shows how much they care about her. Mia did a very good job decribing her two values overall and what they mean to her.
The part that i thought was excellently described in Mias essay was," I soak up the last moments to make it complete, just as the sun light glistens upon each raindrop uniquely." She described this so well that I can picture it very clearly. Mia had good word choice and adjectices too, which make it even better.
Mias strenghts in this essay was her great organization and word choice. She led from paragraph to paragraph very well, so it didn't sound like random things thrown together. Her other strength, which was her word choice was great. The words that made the essay very good are the words she used like glistens, uniqely,and worshiped.
I had a hard time finding a flaw in this essay, but something that mia mabey could try improving is in the first paragraph. I was somewhat confused about what she was talking about, so mabey she could describe that she was running in the rain to let the reader know what shes doing.
Overall very great job mia!!!
I liked the way you described the time you spend in the rain with your friends, and the ring and neckless given to you by your grandparents. The begining really grabed the readers attention. It was a great way to set up your essay.
I really liked the way you described your time with your friends. It seemed like you had a very vivid picture in your mind when you wrote it. "The stray rain drops from my hair fall onto my neck." I liked the way you described this sentence, the way you use the vocab.
In general, I belive that your use of great vocab was your strength. I think that the choices of vocad you picked brought the best out of your essay. I really liked the description used in each object. The essay was great.
For the future, you might want to say more about the compairison. It wasn't bad at all, its just that you put so much in each object, that it might help to put mor in the compairison. I enjoyed reading this essay. Nice job, Mia.
This other is trying to say that designer items are the the only vauable in great things in life but the memories and experiences you share with others. The two things that are valuable to her is running in the rain and her grandmother's ring.
I think the author's valued item she descirbed best was running in the rain. "The rush runs through my veins and the pounding is in sync with the beat of my heart. My sneakers let out squeaks which match with the rain perfectly, like Mother Nature herself was conducting the music to one of my favorite moments." I can almost feel my heart pound.
Her overall strengths in this essay was how she actually made you feel like you were there. "I slow to a jog as my feet hit the hard street with making wonderful noise mixed with the falling rain. I raise my head and squint into the gray clouds and the cool rain. The stray rain drops from my hair fall onto my neck." I almost have the feeling of wet hair tickling my neck.
One thing I think the author could work on is describing her ring a little more. Running in the rain is so well described and then her ring just says how it is important to her.
It seems to me that Mia thinks that the value of something doesnt depend on how much money it cost, but more about who gave you the item, or who was with you when that memory was made.
I think that running in the rain was more vividly described. She said who was with her, what the day was like, and how she was feeling at the time, all things which add to a good description.
One of the essays strengths would be its organization.Mia clearly defines what is her introduction, body, and concluding paragraphs.
One thing that might make the essay better would be better adjectives. Throughout the essay the adjectives weren't bad, but overall weren't that great either.
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